Today I am easily irritated and cranky. I was going to avoid writing to spare you the negativity, but Libellula says now is a perfect time for me to explain my faults or “How I am broken”. When I was younger, I would have TERRIBLE days. Constant crying, zero control over my emotions. It was about 7 days total, 2 times a month.
After I gave birth to my daughter, it was amplified x 1000. It was hormone triggered, but not PMS. I was told I had postpartum depression and was given a light anti-depressant. All this did was put me to sleep and make me fat LOL. I stopped taking it 3 months later. (Wanting to give it a fair shot). The next 6 months were a roller coaster. A new baby, my husband was a new Police Officer & I was a Million miles away from all of my friends and family. I then got pregnant with my second child and the boost in hormones seemed to make everything go away again. After my son was born the same things started up again, now adding anxiety and a constant overwhelming feeling. I started the anti-depressant again. Six months later my daughter was diagnosed Autistic and they found a cyst near her pituitary gland in her brain while doing a MRI check for the neurologist.
You can say at this point that I have my hands full. I tried a couple different antidepressants. My husband started up on them also because of the “permanent stresses he had in his life”. I just couldn’t figure it out. My OB wanted to try me on different birth control pills with different hormone/estrogen levels to see if that would tame the emotions. Well 5 different birth controls didn’t fix anything.
In the meantime, I would destroy relationships if I spoke with anyone during these days. I would be very mean and then cry uncontrollably. I would over react at every situation. I would get angry, feel helpless, lock myself in my house so I wouldn’t piss anyone off. I was out of control. The next thing I know it’s 2007, my kids are 4 and 3, I leave my husband, stop taking ALL birth control and make an appointment with the local behavior health clinic.
They think I have a chemical imbalance triggered by hormones. She said it would be comparable to PMDD, but Much worse. They started me on an anti-depressant and give me Anti Anxiety pills for the rough days. (These I call my “oh Shit” pills). For the first time in my life I felt like I was in control. I could tell you the exact days that my “bad days” were going to happen, only they were mild!. I would make appointments with my doctor for my “bad days” so they could see the drastic difference. I then dropped my “as needed” Anxiety pills and started taking Maca Root, a natural hormone. Once in my system I am all better! TOTAL CONTROL OF MY LIFE!. NO BAD DAYS! It was amazing. I was just given the greatest gift!
This imbalance seems to be hereditary. A handful of my cousins have the EXACT same symptoms and are mentally where I was years ago. A few are now on the same treatment and are doing great! It is a miracle that I have control and that I am not alone… although, I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.
The most important thing I have learned, is never be afraid to get help. It doesn’t make you weak, only stronger. It is the greatest gift you can give your family.
Take care of yourself
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