I am different

A new light glows in 2016.  It all started a few weeks before New years eve.  Normally I am way superstitious of this evening, making it absolutely positive I am surrounded by those that mean the most to me.  WE MUST ALL BE TOGETHER.  For the longest time it was just me and the kids.  I would actually leave a party to be home with my kids when the clock strikes 12 and then return back to the party later on.

This year I longed to be near my kids, but the urgency to make it “life altering” was gone.   I had an Epiphany I guess that although these are my children and James is my husband, I don’t own them.  they aren’t *Mine.  My kids are my responsibility and I will fight tigers for them, but they too are humans with minds of their own and are now teenagers and making decisions of their own.  I am thankful to be able to share my life with them and guide them the best I can.  Of course they can live with me forever but if they need to spread wings to live their own life, I am not going to hold them captive.  Same goes with my husband.  I love him fiercely, and we are choosing to share our lives with each other, but if there comes a day where he needs to fulfill a passion, I will not hold him back.

After coming to terms with this “new me” a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  To look at the world as a place of individuals – separate not tied together.  I want my children to be them, figure out who they are, fulfill their passions and dreams.  I want to encourage them to live without restrictions in possibilities.

I guess the past ten years I was so focused on being with my loves at midnight because I was afraid to lose them.  Now I see that they were never mine to lose.   I might sound like a fool to some of you but I have found so much peace knowing that we are God’s children.  We get to share our lives with some, teach some to grow and prosper, give them wings and maybe let them go.  The idea is to not be sad when they leave but to be happy we had that time together.  Some relationships last years.  Others merely moments, but they all have purpose.   I am now focusing on what I take away from each encounter.

If I would have read this 5 years ago I would have said I was off my rocker.  Disagreeing with everything about this post.  Perceptions change.  Minds evolve.  2016 is the year of the bigger picture for me!

Happy New Year.

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