I am on the other side of some rough days. Over the past few days, I have been shown many things about toxic positivity and avoiding pain. (I will share a link below to a fantastic article from another blogger), but I had another “Tiffany Ephiphany!”
I had the most “AH-HA!” moment while reading Lysa Terkeurst’s book “Forgive what you can’t forget.”
“At some point, we need to stop imagining the way things “should be” so much that we can’t acknowledge what it is. You can only heal what you are willing to acknowledge is real.”
And it dawned on me, that not only have I been denying myself from “feeling” for a super long time, I’ve been caught up in how things SHOULD HAVE BEEN. What SHOULD have happened. How I SHOULD have been treated. What they SHOULD have done.
Feeling the Feelings
Yes, I have my bad days – REALLY bad days, but then I suppress the feelings and move forward.
- I’m fine, I’m moving on.
- I don’t have time or energy to deal with this, I’m over it.
- I forgive them, the pain will fade eventually
- God will take care of it.
- I am going to focus on all the things I am thankful for.
I had to, I have responsibilities, kids, work, friends, and people who look to me to “Be The Sunshine.” It reminded me of Robin Williams. He was so full of Joy, always smiling and the light for millions of people. Yet inside had vast amounts of pain.
I have never just sat in my pain and felt it without distractions or interruptions. As my mom says, there is a little girl inside me who just needs to hear that her feelings are valid and allow her to grieve and feel that pain inside my body as long as she needs, to get it out.
All of this is so messed up because I am the FIRST one to tell my friends to FEEL what they are going through! Let it out! Work through the Emotional Scale. Unpack that baggage, your ticket is refundable and you need to work through this!
My Husband & I sat down with the kids and told them that Momma had some bad things happen in her life a long time ago and in order for me to properly heal, I need to face that sadness/anger/fear. This means, that over the next few weeks I may be crying or lost in thought, but it has NOTHING to do with them and it won’t last forever.
What Should have happened
Well, It DIDN’T! Nothing more to say about it, or think about it, or get mad about it.
End. Of. Story.
So cheers to healing and keeping the tissue companies in business.