As I heal, I find peace. I have fully embraced my past. Embraced the pain & let down, and felt all of the emotions. I have grieved and told the little girl within me that all her feelings are valid and she was safe to feel all of those feelings. To cry it out, to get mad, to go through the emotional scale.
Then there is calm and I am “floating”. The peace I have now was worth feeling all of the pain. This whole time I thought I had dealt with it, but I had unreleased deeply suppressed emotions within. I still get triggers sometimes, but it’s NOTHING compared to before. I sit in the trigger, feel out the pain and repeat the healing process.
Making space in my life, to deal with this head-on (crying for weeks) was the BEST thing I’ve ever done for my mental health. Removing myself from everything that chipped away at my self-worth, has saved my life. Literally! I know realistically, that most people cannot just walk away from their job. Most people don’t have the ability to STOP life to deal with past trauma.
When I look back though, I am overflowing with relief and I cannot even fathom living out my days the way I have the last 4 years. I even feel like I wasted so much time suffering. We get ONE LIFE. Why are we muddling through trying to survive instead of dealing with our ISH and reclaiming our joy? I am ashamed I even thought I wasn’t strong enough to get to the other side of forgiveness. That I thought I could push it aside and ignore the pain. Or half deal with it – until I was distracted from Life and stopped.
Until it is dealt with – in your face – until you have felt it all and worked through the healing process – It WILL keep resurfacing. To take a few months out of my life to ensure the REST of my life will be full of love and peace, was worth it! I wish I would have faced the music years ago, but I know God’s plan is always perfect timing.
For the past couple of weeks, I have been so full of love. I notice I have more patience. A calm listening ear. I am more gentle. I started writing letters of kindness to people who have touched my life. I feel that this is a second chance and I want to do my part to bring sunshine vibes and good into the world. I’ve even started a Facebook group that’s sole purpose is to lift people up! Feel free to seek it out when you have a case of the blues.
I love my life again. Every inch of it.
This doesn’t mean I am not frustrated with menopause stuff or Stupid IEPs for the kids or that my husband doesn’t drive me bananas, it means I am a walking being of love. My entire view of what surrounds me has shifted. I forgive those who’ve brought me pain. I can say their name out loud finally and not feel sick to my stomach. I wish them all well and abundant happiness. It’s been a journey for sure, and like I said above, I still get triggers. But the worst is over.
I’m not sure how much more I will write in this forgiveness series. Maybe I will share AHA’s I get from my many books or any “Tiffany Epiphanies” I have from triggers yet to surface. But I want to thank you for sharing this rough road and seeing me through it. Hopefully, all that is left is Smoooooth Sailing.