Loyalty: a strong feeling of support or allegiance.
Betrayal: violation of a person’s trust or confidence
I was going to make these two separate posts, for fear it would be too long, but I think I can keep it short. I respect your time as much as mine…
I have had betrayal issues for as long as I can remember. As a girl, a person I trusted read my diary, & lied to me – up to last month when I went full circle and saw people who were my “Friends” – apparently weren’t.
“Who needs enemies with friends like mine?”
I’ve slowly been unpacking and breaking down situations and sitting in the facts. There is a fine line between Loyalty & Betrayal.
- If someone hurt you, should your bestie become their friend? What if they didn’t know you were hurt?
- What if someone hated someone you are close to, and made it their mission to destroy you out of association?
- What if your friend struggles with acceptance issues and just needs to belong so they “Protected” you by befriending them behind your back?
My point is (before I give a million more scenarios) that I am more loyal than anyone I know. Fiercely loyal. I will fight tigers, climb volcanos & donate organs – kind of loyal. But my entire life I’ve had a flaw. I expect, hope, and pray that someone would be that for me. And since 99% of the world has their own ish, that isn’t a viable expectation.
As an enneagram 5, I live for facts! Facts are my favorite thing in the world. They help me sort out truth from emotional perception and I am so thankful that the few who are loyal to me, can sit me down to discuss “facts” to process the emotional triggers I have.
Conclusion: My journey has not only been for me to grow into the person the Lord needs me to be BUT also, I am a puzzle piece to MANY other lessons for other people. So what people decide to do with my hurts & betrayals is none of my business. It SUCKS and is UNFAIR and I have been grieving the friendships that were an illusion, but that part is their lesson. I am already moving on to the next chapter. My part in that puzzle is over.
To have clarity and peace over how betrayal has been haunting me is liberating.
Lastly, I am aware that EVERYTHING above is all Ego and Mind.
According to Deepak Chopra,
“You stop being ruled by self-image when:
- You feel what you feel
- You are no longer offended by things
- You stop appraising how a situation makes you look.
- You don’t exclude people you feel superior or inferior to
- You quit worrying about what others think about you
- You no longer obsess over money, status, and possessions
- You no longer feel the urge to defend your opinions“
By eliminating myself from the puzzle that I have already put my pieces into, I am able to check off 5 things above that I was wrestling with.
How do you work through betrayal?