|My daughter Trinity was born on January 16th, 2002 at 12:34 pm. As I held my daughter for the first time and saw a perfect little bundle of joy I couldn’t help, but imagine what it was going to be like as a first-time Mom. I couldn’t wait to buy her a tutu and take her to dance class or to paint her nails and talk about love. All I had ever wanted in life was to be a Mom and I was excited that it was about to begin. |
Since Trinity was my first child it never occurred to me that she wasn’t acting “normal”. I thought she was the best creation on earth, perfect in every way, and I did what I thought everyone was supposed to do. I breastfed, made all of her baby food from scratch, read to her every day, took her to mentally stimulating places like the park and the zoo, and made sure she received all her immunizations. I sat back and smiled as she learned to laugh, and even say “Mum Mum” and “ba ba” at six months of age.
Then one day she changed. She didn’t want to play “with” me. She had nothing more to say, she was far away in another world. She didn’t seem unhappy, just “somewhere” else. At this point, I still wasn’t alarmed. I just assumed it was another stage. Maybe she was watching angels in the corner or while staring at the ceiling fan she was half in Heaven and half on earth. I found it peaceful and majestic. I thought she was taking in a great new world and absorbing all the minor details in wonderment.
Then one day my mother says to me “I think something is wrong. I think you should ask her doctor about her milestones.” It’s one of those moments in life when you remember exactly where you were and what you were doing, wearing, and eating. I was in Arizona on the back patio of my parent’s winter getaway house. Mom had bought a huge pot of Beautiful Geraniums. It was what we were talking about before she brought it up. Trinity was twirling in the grass nearby.
I sat in silence, tears running down my face. I knew if my Mom was saying it, it had to be true. Later that week I found out my Mom isn’t’ the only one who thought something was wrong. My mother-in-law had sent my husband at the time information regarding Aspergers. I believe she wasn’t quite sure of how to bring it up to me I suppose. I’m not sure how I felt about that exactly, but I do know a woman’s child is something she would fight tigers for, and in a situation like this, you don’t want to say “I think your kid, that has become your whole world, is broken.” Today I embrace her for trying to help gently by talking with her son. Her heart is always in the right place, but at that time I was too overwhelmed with how my entire existence could possibly change.
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I wander through this "waiting period", sharing life blips, autism testimonies, self discovery processes and growth inspirations ~ Until the Lord lets me know what I am to do next, I would love a cup of coffee.