Tag Archives: Friends

What are you willing to endure to find the peace you long for?

Posted on September 19, 2022 | 1 comment
Deep thoughts while dreaming in Mexico.

I’m Sorry, really.

With growth, comes remorse.

Over the past two years, I have slowly eliminated people, places, things, habits, hobbies, & jobs from my life. I’ve created space that I am in no hurry to fill back up. I find as I become older, with my spiritual journey as a prime focus, my circle keeps getting smaller and smaller. Not because I don’t love people, places, jobs, habits, etc… But because they keep me complacent. I’ve also noticed my awareness is extremely enhanced and I start to see words, actions, and behaviors I had said/done in the past that wasn’t the very best version of myself. My brokenness prompted behaviors that were hurtful.

“Hurt people hurt people”.
If I ever hurt you, I’m sorry.

I also am able to see more clearly, at times when I was hurt and I took it personally – when it was instead somebody else’s brokenness projected onto me.
If you hurt me, all is forgiven.

This isn’t a blame game blog… This is me fully owning my shit and feeling the disappointment I have within – even though I didn’t know any better at the time – that I can see clearly that I may have been hurtful in the past. Hurtful to family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, random people in the public, etc.

However, let’s talk about the thing that has come up over a dozen times in the last week. The icky grey area where you know people, jobs, etc aren’t bringing out the best in you, but you don’t want to “hurt feelings” by letting them go.

I have no idea why it took me so long to “draw that line in the sand” and “put up those river banks so I’m not swampy” and finally CREATE boundaries!

  • Why, as humans are we SO AFRAID of the response or opinions of others, that we continue to stay miserable or content as we are.
  • Why aren’t we fighting for who we were created to be?
  • Why is it a negative thing to rid of toxicity and control the space around you?


It’s like we are so afraid to offend those who are destroying us, that we stay put. (Read that again…)
In what world does that even make sense!?

Defending your space is NOT stirring the pot or causing drama. Wanting to be happy is NOT a guilty or gluttonous desire. Yes, change is scary. Walking away from friendships, jobs, and a way of life you’ve known for too long can trigger moments of doubt and disappointment
BUT
I guarantee once you get over that bridge, you will be asking yourself what took you so long. Maybe not right away, but as the stress fades, the habits die, and the feeling you owe anyone anything (besides yourself) diminishes… You will be walking in peace. A calm you haven’t known – or forgot even existed.

If you were brave enough to create those boundaries and let go of what no longer serves you with the possibility of residual negative feedback, I am so stinkin’ proud of you! I am proud of your desire to control what is in your space and what takes up your time. I am proud of you for loving yourself more than the hate you may receive for choosing YOU!

🎇🎉YOU are the ONLY person who has to live with YOU for the rest of your life! Don’t give others the POWER over your happiness! Reclaim that power and LOVE the Life you Live! ✨🌼🌞

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Posted in 2022, friendship, Love, My Forgiveness Journey, Within My Skin

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Pippi and the Trip to New York, Part 2.

Posted on August 5, 2022 | Leave a comment
The image was drawn by Preston Wakeman. Pippi talking with Lumière.

(Cut to everyone hanging on pieces of wood while being drifted to a beach.)

Pippi: Is everyone alright?

Bigwig: (coughing) Barely!

(Cut to Mickey on the beach wringing out his hat.)

Mickey: Since everyone is alright do You know where we are?

(Mort throws up sand from his mouth as soon as he got up)

Mort: New (gags) York?

Bigwig: Does this look like New York to you? (Cut to the area which turns out to be a vast city with skyscrapers and billboards.)

Mort: Yes?

Fiver: It is lucky that we made it to our destination.

Pippi: You’re right Fiver!

Bigwig: Well, what are we standing here for? Let’s go already!

(Cut to Everyone staring in awe at the sights and buildings in the city.)

Ord: Look at all that food!

Mickey: The streets are cleaner than I thought they would be.

Fiver: OH MY GOSH!!

Bigwig: What is it fiver?! A vision?

Fiver: No! I saw a billboard that said diapers and baby wipes are fifty percent off! (Bigwig tried his best not to strangle Fiver)

Pippi: The sights are so beautiful!

Mort: THERE SHE IS! (Cut to the Statue of Liberty while Romeo and Juliet by Tchaikovsky play in the background. Mort imagines the Statue of Liberty winking at him and preparing to kiss him, But before that happens Bigwig slapped Mort to his senses.)

Mort: Sorry.

Ord: Gee there sure are a lot of buildings but no giant apples.

Pippi: Don’t worry Ord! As the person who brought us on this vacation, I am determined that all of our wishes will come true!

Bigwig: Well before that can we stop at a hotel to rest? My feet are killing me!

(Everyone went to a room in a hotel after Pippi gave the clerk a gold coin for payment. Mickey, Mort,

and Fiver are jumping on one of the beds while bigwig takes a shower.)

Mickey: Whoopee!

Mort: Wheeee!

Fiver: All this jumping is making me feel (gags) a bit nauseous… (Fiver threw up on the bed causing Mickey and Mort to hop off the bed. Bigwig with a towel around himself, a shower cap on his head, and a rubber ducky came out of the shower only to find the mess.)

Bigwig: Would you guys stop making so much noise?! It isn’t bad enough that Fiver had to puke on the bed but the constant screaming isn’t going to fix things!

Pippi: Mr. Nelson, could you take these sheets to the laundry room? Here’s some change…(Mr. Nelson grabbed the dirty sheets and headed to the laundry room only to use the change for snacks for himself instead.)

Pippi: While the sheets are being cleaned let’s watch some TV!

Newsman: We interrupted this program for some shocking news. A bad apple in the music industry is making his grand return right here in New York City for a concert after bribing the owner of the Big Apple Theater twenty bucks to host the show there. Stay tuned for more info.

Bigwig: This is boring! I wanna watch some war movies!

Mort: Well I want to watch The little ponies!

Fiver: It feels like there’s nothing on the television.

Ord: Say did you guys hear about the concert?

Bigwig: We already know that Einstein.

Ord: Well why don’t we go to that concert?

Pippi: That’s a great idea, Ord!

Fiver: Hold on Pippi I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Bigwig: For once Fivers right! Who knows if the singer in the concert would be a terrible person or a criminal?

Pippi: So what? We could still have a fun time once we get there today-

Mickey: Uhh guys you might want to see this… (Mickey showed that the date when the concert starts is tomorrow. Everyone except Bigwig and Fiver had a shocked expression on their faces.)

Everyone: WHAAAAAA?

Mickey: I’m just as disappointed as you guys are.

???: “Pssst hey you guys. Yes, you guys come here. (Everyone didn’t know what to do but Pippi not knowing the concept of stranger danger decided to look out the window to see who was calling them.)

** [P.S If someone you don’t know tells you to come here, tell them NO and run away to tell an adult you trust like a parent or a police officer about it!]

Pippi: Who are you?

Lumière: Bonjour my friends, it is I Lumière and I overhear you talking about a concert no?

Pippi: Well what a good coincidence! My friends and I want to go to a concert but the date says it will be coming out tomorrow and let’s just say some of my friends can’t wait for that long- (Cut to Mort chewing on the side of the bed, Mickey Scratching his face with foam in his mouth, and Ord huddled in a corner rocking back and forth sucking his thumb and having bloodshot eyes.) (Cut back to Pippi outside the window talking to Lumière.)

Pippi: -so let’s just say that waiting is very hard for us.

Lumière: Well then madam then you are in luck as I am inviting you to a totally legit not a scam or a trap of some kind early showing of The Kid from New Orleans!

Pippi: Wow sounds great! We’ll be there right now! Do you think you can toss a rope up here?

Lumière: Sure thing madam! (Lumière tosses up a long rope for the gang to climb down with. Pippi grabbed the rope and tied it to the side of the window. The gang climbed down one by one from smallest to biggest and once Ord got on to the rope, the rope snapped and Ord fell out of the window when Lumière wasn’t paying attention, Ord accidentally sat on top of Lumière splattering wax in the process. Luckily the gang remolded Lumière back together soon enough.)

Lumière: follow me to the show! (Bigwig hopped over to Pippi’s shoulder.)

Bigwig: I am very skeptical about the guy, I don’t know why but he seems suspicious- (Mort sings the Among us theme song.)

Bigwig: WILL YOU BE QUIET!!!!! (Mort zipped his lips as bigwig continued to talk to Pippi.)

Bigwig: What I mean is that it could be a trap.

Pippi: Oh nonsense Bigwig the walking candle knows where He’s going. (Bigwig hops off Pippi’s shoulder and follows them on foot.)

Bigwig: (sigh) (Pan over to the sign on the building saying Big Apple Theater.)

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The Rose

Posted on July 18, 2022 | Leave a comment
Railway Arch over the Bark River. Picture gotten from foursquare.

In high school, I lived on the top floor of a house. The downstairs was used for a business, maybe an attorney?? I honestly don’t remember. Our floor was 4 rooms and a bathroom. Nothing fancy. The magical thing about this house was its location. The backyard was abut the Bark River and Nixon park was on the other side. One of the popular summer hangouts and because so many kids were out and about there, we had daily friend visits and many requests to use our bathroom.

Hanging on our bathroom wall, directly across from the toilet was a framed paper with handwritten lyrics of the song “The Rose”. A song sung by Bette Midler that was number 1 on the Billboard charts for 5 weeks straight in 1980. You couldn’t help but read it EVERY SINGLE TIME you were using the facilities at my house.

One night, a bunch of my girlfriends & I were swinging on the front porch singing and somebody suggested we sing “The Rose”. Next, I was like “Hey! I know that song, it’s in my bathroom!” and they all laughed uncontrollably and replied, ” We ALL know that song because it’s in your bathroom!”

Today as I type this, almost 30 years later, I am in awe of how what is placed before us is consumed by our minds. It is so important to surround yourself with SUNSHINE and positivity and love and giggles! I leave you with the lyrics of ‘The Rose”. I hope it fills your thoughts with hope.

The Rose, Bette Midler

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

It’s the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying

That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love
In the spring becomes the rose

Songwriters: Mc Broom Amanda

The Rose lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Third Story Music, Inc.”

I do not own the rights to this song**

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A Day FULL of Blessings

Posted on July 13, 2022 | 1 comment
A sketch by Faith L. Sanders April 23rd, 1973

So many blessings today that may seem insignificant to most. I will share a few and leave you with a verse from a poem by my Grandmother.

  • A call from the home office asking me to stay. Saying I have built something strong and acknowledging my hard work and success.
  • A UPS driver on the side of the road took a package of mine and saved me a 20-minute drive!
  • Watching a movie with my Middle Little. (We have completed the MIB series!)
  • Really expensive Mud that I put on my face that was on SALE!
  • A friend who is an amazing listener.
  • A NEW book started – If you liked Luke on Gilmore Girls, you may want to start reading this series!

Part of a poem by Faith L. Sanders

July 21st, 1983

If only we had cosmic minds,

I’m sure that we would see,

that what to us is chaos

to God is orderly.

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Rhythm

Posted on July 11, 2022 | Leave a comment
2022 Facing the sun.

Rhythm. Even just that word is calming to me. In my past life (the last 7 years), people constantly talked about having systems in place. Then a mentor of mine said, “I prefer to call it ‘Rhythm’ instead of ‘System’.”

Now that I can get behind!  A current of wispy whimsical graceful ebbs and flows that take you along the path you’re on. Doesn’t that sound like a more pleasant way to get to your goals & dreams?

I’m kind of the rebellious one.  All the things one is “supposed to do” – yeah, I didn’t do that…  It’s not that I think anyone is wrong. I just need everything to make sense in my head.  My enneagram 5 is showing.

In March I went to a fancy resort with my favorite people. We had a cabana at a pool with a breathtaking fountain and all the pool chairs encompassed the fountain in a picturesque phenomenon. The only problem was that NONE of the pool chairs were facing the sun.  Don’t get me wrong – it was a marketing masterpiece – but it was March, and I was in search of a tan and unless I turned my chair around 180 degrees, that wasn’t happening.  I watched slowly as others came to the pool and everyone was perfectly content not facing the sun. Finally, after finishing a chapter in my book, I thought “this is crazy!” and you bet your bottom I rotated my chair to face the sun!

I promise, nobody got hurt with me doing so, and the fountain was still the main attraction. In fact, my small act inspired others to do the same. 

Maybe my way IS the masterpiece.  Being so comfortable in my space and wanting to enjoy every inch of it.

Find your Rhythm.

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What the Funk?!

Posted on October 25, 2021 | Leave a comment

I feel like I am constantly rediscovering myself.  And yet, HOW MANY TIMES can one rediscover themselves? My mind is swirling with so many thoughts.

*Betrayal trauma issues going back to when I was 12.

* Am I really a good mom?  I only hold myself to my standards- but are my standards too much?

* I don’t have space for people’s brokenness when they aren’t willing to help themselves.

*My contentment with being alone is maybe too content.

*I hate Money.

* Even I mess up, and I am owning that.

* Social Media is the devil.

*Balance is hard but necessary

* Am I creating boundaries or avoiding shit. – or both.

*I am protective with my energy & what I am up to dealing with.

Then it all comes down to me REALLY wanting to be a good person but not knowing how to get the puzzles pieces to fit. How to make life make sense.  How to run my business and protect my mental health. How to be okay with not understanding the world around me.

What does God want me to do?

What is my purpose?

What difference am I making?

I feel like I am not really living on the same plane as everyone else. That I am in some parallel universe where the rules are different and co-existing with this other plane is a mind tornado. When I was younger I met a family who claimed they were from a different planet. Who was I to say they weren’t? I imagine this is how it would feel like.

Today let’s just talk about WHO I allow in my space.

Every human has their own obstacles and life lessons and journies. As much as I would LOVE to have lifelong friendships, I see clearly that each relationship has its season. Especially when I am trying to grow and others may be complacent or stuck.

I was stuck for years. I know that struggle. I am not shaming people for being stuck or thinking I am better than them, I am just on a different path. I am unable to focus with distractions that keep me at a standstill. I feel my Life clock ticking and I still have so much to do. I can love people and let them go. I can evolve into someone with different priorities, beliefs and goals that redirect my journey without being the bad guy.

Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes the common links that hold people together change and we take different turns. I remember in high school I was on the Poms Squad. I moved away my Junior year and when I came back my senior year, I was no longer accepted in that group. I was even shamed for wearing my Pom jacket to a football game. A jacket that was absolute HELL for my Mom and I to find the $ to buy, but that’s a whole different story.

Did I do anything wrong? No. I just moved away. I wasn’t in the group anymore. We took different roads. Did they do anything wrong? No. They were together EVERY SINGLE DAY working towards a common goal and had the same priorities.

Change is often difficult. – For me, I find peace in change. I have surrendered that I have zero control & I’m just trying to be Holy Spirit led.

Maybe this is a midlife crisis and I am trying to learn & become as if there is a deadline so it’s easier for me to move forward with or without people. Maybe I just prefer being alone.

I am trying. Trying to be better than I was yesterday. Trying to understand. Trying to forgive and extend grace. Trying to be so incredibly & most times uncomfortably honest. Trying to keep my mouth shut when there is no resolution. Trying to own ALL of my mistakes. Trying to learn from all of my Karma and tell my ego to shut its mouth.

Today is a new day.

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