Serendipity, God wink, a “sign”. These things have existed throughout my entire life. For the past three years, I refer to it as being “Holy Spirit-led”. Since making a major shift in my life in July, My awareness is heightened. I’ve read/heard a million times that many opportunities will present themselves, but you still need to “make the jump”. Similar to the old phrase, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”.
In July I left the job that I had been building for 7 years. I had no “greener grass” in my sights, just a feeling in my core that it was time to “make space”. The gap from what was to what will be has been welcomed. I know “not knowing” terrifies so many, yet for me, I have so much trust within… I KNOW that I am doing the right steps. I am being led – no doubts at all. However, when asked dozens of times “How did you know it was the right move?” My answer of “The Holy Spirit told me.” is a reply that most cannot grasp.
I want to start walking you on the path I’ve traveled over the past few months. There are way too many instances to put in one blog post, but here’s where this all started. If you have ever said “It’s a sign!” or “Meant to be!”, perhaps you can see the awareness I have and start searching for your own. No, I don’t mean how Alexa tells Facebook what to show you on your newsfeed. I mean REAL PEOPLE – showing up and pulling things from your life that they could NEVER have known about.
I start reading Lysa Terkeurst’s “Forgiving what you can’t forget”. The major activity she has you do in this book is use specific cards (She even includes them in the back of her study guide) to write down things you struggle forgiving – then you place a RED CARD over the card and say “An whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.” I have said this line hundreds of times.
*I get baptized in the Gulf of Mexico (story here).
*My family and I attend a church’s yard sale on a random afternoon near our home. It turns out the entire parking lot is full and all items are FREE! We stand in line before it starts and they pray over the event. Then the Pastor says “We have a red tent around the corner if you need prayers for anything. I specifically choose a red tent to represent the blood of Jesus washing over all those beneath.” Instantly I started crying. The Lord wants me here.
I start watching this church’s sermons online. With my husband gone most of the month and autistic kiddos in tow, it’s difficult to do things like that solo. I have been staying clear of organized religion for some time now because of hypocrisy, hate, conditions, and exclusions that existed.
The first sermon I watch is about the woman who touched Jesus’ garment/fringe to become clean. (See the short story here) I’ve heard the story before, but this day I saw it in a whole new light. It shook me to my core, I was that woman.
I have been viewed as “unacceptable”. I am a loner, not knowing where I belonged or if anyone was REALLY my friend. I was lost and desperate.. so desperate to have a place in the world. To not feel like an outcast. I am unworthy of peace, love, and truth.
I watched this pastor, say the same about himself. People in the pews were nodding their heads. This was a church full of broken people – BUT OWNING THEIR SHIT!
I fit in here. Here is my next spiritual stop and I am relieved.
The path doesn’t stop here.